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When I was younger I had the hardest time accepting myself for who I was. I was afraid of what others would think of me. After all I was totally different from everyone else. I didn’t like the things that were cool and I had totally different tastes when it came to everything else as well. So I did like any young girl would do….. I pretended. I gave everyone around me a false impression of who I was because we all know what happens to those who dare to be different. They end up friendless.
When I got married the trend continued. I tried so hard to be a cookie cutter wife. One who did everything by the book. Only to learn that well my husband didn’t want a cookie-cutter wife. Nope, he wanted the hot mess he married. Yet, when I heard other married women talking about their lives I couldn’t help but think that I was doing everything wrong.
The problem with this was that I was providing people with false information about myself. Ultimately I was lying to the world. There was a bigger problem, though….I hadn’t accepted myself.….. Until I had truly accepted myself for who and what I was I was of no good to God. I was unable to reach people for Him because I was trying to control my own testimony.
An honest witness tells the truth,
but a false witness tells lies. Proverbs 12:17
I was being a false witness!! Until we ourselves accept the fact that we are flawed, that we are different and that we are not what people always want we are being a false witness. Because this, in turn, means that we are going to try to conform to what we think the world wants to see. This was very hard for me to admit to others that I am in fact different than most. Yet, until I came to terms with it I was trying to live a lie.
We as women are under some sort of impression that we must be perfect. We must make the world think that we have everything completely under control. However, this is not what God wants. He wants us to show our flaws. This allows others to see that even they can be accepted by God. It allows Him to change us and to let others see the changes being made.
I urge you to join me in allowing the world to accept you for who you are. It is far too lonely trying to be something that you are not.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,
Ha! Did you just write my life story? “Trying to control my own testimony.” That stung a little, but I needed to hear it! Thankyou
I am so glad that you were able to gain a bit of encouragement. Sorry for the sting though. <3
I am a minister’s wife, and I love ministry. But, sometimes it is tempting to be what everyone expects instead of who I actually am. When I let myself be me, it feels so lonely. But I am convicted that church is the one place that we should always be willing to take off our masks, no matter what the cost. I am still learning and growing, and some days it is easier to “pretend.” But God hasn’t given up on me yet!
Yes, you are in a most difficult situation. I have often said I do not see how wives of preachers handle the pressure because others watch your almost every move. However I will say, our preacher’s wife is one person who shows her flaws and we actually love her more for it. It allows us to see that she is in fact just as human as the rest of us.
“I was unable to reach people for Him because I was trying to control my own testimony.” …guilty, and with God’s help, I’m trying to do better.
I don’t think I ever intended this to be true of my life, but somewhere along my faith journey I built up walls that recently God has been telling me need to come down. Your words, “I was unable to reach people for Him because I was trying to control my own testimony.” JUMPED off my screen as confirmation to how I’ve been feeling the Lord leading me.
Thank you for your transparency!
Walking in His Grace,
Laurie