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Living a life that extended family members don’t understand can be lonely at times. You begin to feel as though family functions are more of a chore then a gathering of loved ones. Not that they intend or seek out to make you feel that way. They just simply do not understand. They don’t understand why you choose to only allow your children to do certain things. They don’t understand the reasons you handle things in your marriage the way you do. They most certainly do not understand why it is that you choose to do everything in your life it what seems to be a complete contradiction to the way you were raised.
It is when this happens that we have to choose. We can choose to allow the sadness to consume us or we can actively seek the joy that comes with living our lives the way God has mapped it out for us. Too many times we can allow ourselves to become fixated on the way things could be if we would simply conform our lives to mirror what others feel we should do. However- there is really no true joy in that way of life.
For our family there has been a lot of adjustments. (Mainly for me) As I have really had to look at certain relationships. Certain relationships I had to be honest with myself and I knew within my heart that I had to let them go because they were toxic to myself and my family. They were causing me to second guess everything that my husband and I were trying to accomplish in our family. Their opinions and suggestions were not filled with love or Godly wisdom.
I went through a time of grieving. In fact there are times that I still look at pictures of things post on FB about their families and it causes a bit of pain. But- I know that I made the best choice. Even in those dark moments I know that my family and I are going to be ok because we have chosen to follow God’s direction and not the world.
With all that being said it does not mean that we as a family that is going against the grain are to turn our backs on those who do not agree with our way of life. It does mean however that we have chosen not to allow ourselves to be brought down by their reactions and ridicule. We are in control of how much of our joy we allow others to steal.
Instead of allowing them to steal our blessing what about if we chose to pray for them.
Instead of allowing them to discourage us what if we instead viewed it as a testament to the fact that we are growing.
Instead of getting caught up in Earthly relationships what if we focus that energy on forming our Heavenly relationship.
It is hard when we have to walk away from relationships that we thought that by all accounts should last our whole lives. However walking away doesn’t mean you are turning your back. It does however mean that you are choosing to walk closer to God.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,
I would like to invite you to my Facebook group Christian Homemakers in Training where we dive into homemaking, motherhood, marriage and group devotions. After all, we all need a safe place to grow together, right?
I fully and completely understand what you are saying. I like your idea to pray for them especially when I see junk on FB! It’s such a struggle to love them and set healthy boundaries!
“We are in control of how much we allow others to steal” I needed to read that today.
I am there with you Bridget. I totally understand!!
Yeah, I’ve had to walk away from extended family relationships due to one person having a mental illness that made her say and do things that would devastate my heart - I’d end up being in a tail spin for 1-2 weeks after her episodes - I would not be able to function as a mother and wife as I should. After 25 years of dealing with the same problems, it was time to walk away. Thank you for your post. I’m not the only one….sadly.
I’m in the time where I have to reevaluate some of my family relationships. Some of the people in my family absolutely do NOT agree with me being a stay at home mom or that I ask my husband before I make decisions about how I or we spend our time. Our son is 15 months old and has never been with a babysitter. We, my son and I, spend the majority of our time at home instead of out running the roads and visiting from house to house. I actually had my older sister tell me I needed to get my butt out of the house and get a job, even if it was only part time. Ummm, hello? Raising my son, being a wife and a homemaker IS A FULL TIME JOB!
She thinks having a job outside the house would fix my depression. My home and family aren’t the reasons for my depression. She didn’t get to be a stay at home mom with her girls and I feel like maybe she may regret that. She says if she wasn’t to good to get a job and have babysitters for her girls, then neither am I.
Thing is, I don’t act like I’m special because I get to stay at home so I don’t know where that comes from in her mind.
She just doesn’t seem to understand that being home and taking care of my family is what I’ve been called to do and I know that. She goes to church so it seems like she would at least have a basic understanding of what I’m doing. She gets mad because we don’t come over to her house every weekend but my husband works sometimes 6 days a week and he works late. He wants to be home working on the little projects we have planned when he has a day off.
So I totally get it when you say that visiting family can seem more like an obligation and less like an act of love.
I have allowed too many family members to steal too much of my joy and I don’t have to allow it. I agree that we should pray for them and I plan to start praying for her today.