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It is no big secret that men and women are wired differently. It is also no big secret that there are moments that discussions can cause a bit of a fiction in a relationship. However, what do we do when we are the ones who cause unintentional pain?
Unintentional pain is caused even when we don’t realize we have done it. I remember as my husband and I was talking about money issues once I came home full time. He was worried about where the money was going to come from to pay certain bills and I offered to go back to work. This hurt him. To him, me offering to go back to work was telling him that he was not doing his job as a provider effectively. To me, I was just trying to help. Once the words have exited my mouth and he expressed how it made him feel instantly I knew I had messed up.
It happens to us all. We say something or do something and the next thing we know we have caused unintentional pain. Even sadder, we have caused pain to the very person that we swore we would never hurt. It makes us feel rotten and it also leaves us a bit lost feeling. I mean there is no manual on how to save this with one quick motion. We can’t take the words back and we can’t cause them to forget what has happened.
However, there are somethings that we can do:
We can ask for forgiveness. A lot of times we go into defensive mode. We try to explain that we didn’t mean it the way that it sounded. Honestly, that doesn’t help things at all. It actually is like rubbing salt into a wound because not only do they feel bad because of something we have said/ done but we have also just made them feel even smaller by explaining why their feelings were not correct. We can not judge how something will make someone feel. We can, however, own the fact that we have made our husband feel bad.
We make a mental note to never do it again. It is so easy to say sorry, however, it is a bit more work not to repeat the same offense again. Make a mental note of the action that caused the unintentional pain and strive to not do it anymore. It seems self-explanatory and yet I bet I am not the only one who has repeated the same mistake over and over again. This sends the signal that we truly didn’t mean our apology. Which then causes even more hurt.
Allow time to heal. Intentional or unintentional pain have something in common….They hurt. Just with any pain, there needs to be time allowed to help with the healing process. During this healing process continue to do nice things (that should be done anyway) to show your remorse but also allow your husband time to process all that has happened and to lick his wounds.
The important thing to remember is that sometimes we accidentally hurt our husbands. It does not mean that we are bad wives it just means we are human.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,