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When I first got married I assumed that my husband would always shower me with love notes , we would constantly be everywhere the other one was and he would never do anything to make me upset. And though my husband still does all the little things that make my heart melt things are certainly different than when we were dating. The problem with unrealistic expectations is that it will always lead to disappointment.
You see when I got married I had an unrealistic expectation of what marriage looked like. As I have shared once before both my parents have been married and divorce. So I never seen what a long term marriage looked like except for one set of my grandparents. They just made it look so easy to except each other for who they were. They simply just melted together. Of course they had been married quiet a while before I entered the picture so they had plenty of time to work out the details in their marriage.
So basically I modeled what married looked like from television role models. The husband always showered the wife with gifts and whatever her heart desired.That husband would also always sing his wife praises. So when we got married and these things were not happening for me I was convinced that my husband just did not like me. I was doing something wrong.
If we are all honest we have all set unrealistic expectations for our men. Because they are just not wired the same way we are. Their terms of endearment are not our own. They don’t automatically know that we need words of encouragement. They don’t always have the means to run out and buy us fancy gifts. A lot of times they don’t know what we need from them unless we tell them what we need. As women we for some reason think that they should just know what we want or need. After all they love us right?
Ladies cut your men some slack. These unrealistic expectations do nothing but make for hurt feelings and lead to resentment. Before you know it you start to shut down in your marriage instead of truly seeing where the problem is so that you both can work on fixing it. Your husband then wonders what is the point in even showing that he cares.
These little ways that they show they love us also change with the seasons of our lives. When we first got married I remember the sweetest thing my husband did was go along the side of the road and pick me daisies. We were to broke to own a flower vase so instead he put them in a drink can and placed them beside my bed. This definitely made me smile. Now I get the same feeling when my husband informs me that he is getting up with the children for me to sleep in a bit. My how my expectations have changed.
It has taken a while for me to learn how it is that my husband shows me that he cares. You see I like words of affirmation and my husband is more of a show by actions kinda guy. Until I made the effort to seek this out I thought he didn’t care. Yet once I learned how he showed his love for me I realized how much he truly did care.
If you feel your man is not meeting your needs try talking to him about the situation in a nice manner. Nothing can be solved if we are unwilling to talk things out.
Study your man’s actions. A lot of times they are doing things for us that we don’t even realize.We should never stop studying our partners anyway.
Come to terms with the fact that your marriage is not Sally’s marriage and it is most certainly not a marriage that is on television. When we start measuring up our men in that light then they know that they are not going to be able to measure up and therefore what would even be the point in trying. Your marriage with your husband is just that yours.
Have you set unrealistic expectations for your man? What are some ways that you are working on this?
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,I would like to invite you to my Facebook group Christian Homemakers in Training where we dive into homemaking, motherhood, marriage and group devotions. After all, we all need a safe place to grow together, right?