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Recently I was contacted by a fairly new mom because she was feeling down in the dumps. You see she was under the impression that she should never long to have a bit of time to ourselves. Apparently we vetran moms make it look super easy. Needless to say I wanted to reach through the computer screen and hug this poor woman. How many times have we suffered alone with the mommy blues because we thought that no one else would understand? Worst than that how many times have we suffered in silence because we thought that we would be judged?
For those of you who joined me on the book study that Linda, Mandy, Misty and I hosted you know part of my mommy blues story. Yet I was unable to tell it all. Not because I am ashamed of my story but because it is hard to vocally say out loud. So here goes…..
When we had our first son I was over the moon excited. So much so that my husband and I decided we wanted to have another little one. Well we were then told that I would be unable to conceive anymore children after trying for several years. I prayed and prayed for God to please allow me one more chance to hold a tiny little mini me. Of course God answered and provided us with yet another little boy. Now you would think my prayers were answered so I would be super happy. Well that would be wrong.
I distanced myself from our second oldest. I found it hard to connect with him. I was tired from countless hours of breast feeding and trying to play super mom to our oldest. Baby number 2 only wanted to scream and cry. I wasn’t producing enough milk to fill our little one. He had his days and nights mixed up. Also he had colic.I became burdened. I fell into an extremely dark place. I was just a shell of a woman running on pure nothingness. My husband quickly noticed something was just not right and began probing me for answers. My reply just about knocked him to the floor. It was then that I confessed that though I loved baby number 2 I just didn’t like him. The moment the words came out of my mouth I knew something was terribly wrong. I am after all the woman who has devoted her life to being around children in one way or another. I had always dreamed of having a family.
Needless to say I was in a very depressed state. Of course my husband felt defenseless. He has always been the type of man to want to fix anything and everything that bothers me. Yet this time I knew and he knew this was not anything that he could fix. He took over tending to the baby except for feeding times because well he just couldn’t do that. I slept and just felt sorry for myself. The bond between my second son and I was suffering. Though I knew these were moments I couldn’t get back in my head. Something just would not let me move forward. I felt trapped.
Now I finally came to terms with the fact that I was in a phase of what they call postpartum depression. With no insurance I felt very limited as to what I could do to fix this. After all when you are going through this you are suppose to seek medical attention. Instead I did something that was even more powerful. I turned to God. After all He was the one who gave me this bundle and surely He didn’t give him to me for both of us to suffer. The more and more I dug into God’s word the better I felt. The more I spoke to God the more empowered I felt. God and God alone pulled me out of the mommy blues.
Did my bundle and I finally connect the way a mother and son should? Absolutely!! We have a wonderful relationship. Ladies there is hope if you are suffering from mommy blues. There is a light at the end of that tunnel. In fact once you reach that light you find that the end of the tunnel is much brighter than you ever thought possible. Please get help if you are currently suffering from postpartum depression and seek God because He can certainly pull you out.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring For Him,I would like to invite you to my Facebook group Christian Homemakers in Training where we dive into homemaking, motherhood, marriage and group devotions. After all, we all need a safe place to grow together, right?