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I sat there re-playing the days events in my head…The more I re-played them the angrier I got. The angrier I got the more I felt my temperature boil. I felt as though I was being used. I felt as though I was being wrongly viewed and I felt as though I was being wrongly cared for. The more I stewed on the events that had been transpiring through out the week the harder it was becoming to serve with a joyful heart. As a matter of fact it was becoming hard to simply serve at all. I started allowing my emotions to run wild in my head. Knowing that if I said something that I would ultimately end up causing a heated discussion. I even had that discussion all mapped out in my head.I would like to invite you to my Facebook group Christian Homemakers in Training where we dive into homemaking, motherhood, marriage and group devotions. After all, we all need a safe place to grow together, right?
Funny thing is that in my mind I knew what I wanted to say. I had it all mapped out to come out in a loving and well meaningful way. However, knowing myself I know that I have no filter with my words once I am pushed to my limits and here lately I had noticed that my limits were getting easier and easier to reach. I was becoming resentful toward the very one I loved more then anyone else on this earth and I had no clue why.
Resentment in marriage is all to real. It happens to marriages every single day. Resentment creeps into even the most happiest of marriages. It is usually caused by things that we allow to build up over time. Things that we are not willing to stop and talk about the moment they have happened. Instead we sit on them and stew. Sadly, a marriage that has specks of resentfulness in it really doesn’t resemble a marriage. Instead it looks more like a battle field that is taking place where love is suppose to be. Left unattended it starts to come out as nagging, discontentment and sometimes ultimately even divorce.
One of the biggest causes that I have found at least for myself that causes these feelings of resentment it the feeling that I am not being heard. More specifically that I have been heard but that I am not acutally being listened to because actions remain the same shortly after I express myself. One of the more annoying statements I can hear at those moments is ” This is who I am.” One because yep this is who I married but mainly it is because it screams to me “I am not going to attempt to change who I am just to make you feel better.” I think if more women were honest that they would confess that at one time or another in their marriages they have felt this way. In fact, it is because of our lack in ability to talk about these things that many women do hold on to their resentment because they feel all alone.
So the question remains how do we let go of our feelings of resentment that are causing our marriages to suffer?
I think in order for that to happen that we need to be willing to loosen up our expectations a bit. Not to the point that we stop seeking what it is that we want in our marriage. But, that we take a long hard look at our husband and how they try to validate our feelings. There are a lot of times that we seem to forget that they do not show their feelings the way that we would like for them to. This is true for them as well. That is the beauty of having two people in a marriage who see things differently.
We also need to look within ourselves. Resentment isn’t caused by always leaving dirty laundry in the floor. Nor is it caused by our spouses forgetting to pick up something on their way home from work. If it were the it would be easy fixes. Instead it is usually caused by an event that has cause a lot of pain or by something lacking within our own selves. By looking deep within ourselves we are able to discover what it is that is causing this resentment. More importantly we can figure out ways that we can fix it before it is to late.
Seeking to let go of resentment also means that we have to learn to accept the reality that we can not change our spouse. That one sometimes is a hard one to choke down but it is a simple truth. We have no control over other people’s action- only our own. The sooner we come to realize that the better off that we are. This means that even if our spouse is unwilling to change that we must hold ourselves accountable to change for the good of our relationship.
Praying and seeking wisdom from God are great ways to do just that. In fact I have seen those two things move mountains in my marriage and continue to see it doing so.
Don’t be afraid to seek out counseling. There are lots of christian based counseling programs that are out there. Sometimes these can even been free providing where you go. Idealistically couples counseling is great but realistically our husbands are not always going to be willing to do this step. Even more so if they themselves do not seem to realize that their is a problem. At any rate do not cause their unwillingness to go to cause you to stop seeking restoration in your marriage and in yourself.
Be willing to speak with your spouse about what you feel to be the root of your problem. A lot of heartache can be spared if we are willing to speak to our spouse in a non-threating and non-judgmental way. A lot of times our husband’s do not even realize that things are in fact bothering us. How can we expect them to work on those things if we are unwilling to speak to them about it.
Whatever you do the important thing is to not allow resentment to reside in your marriage. Because once you do then you are allowing Satan to have a giant playing field in both your lives.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,