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It is an age old complaint. Too many times I have talked to dear friends and one of their many reasons for leaving a church or for just not attending is that the people there are just too judgmental. If we are completely honest we would have to admit that all of our relationships have a bit of of a judgmental undertone to them . Yet, we all know that in all of our relationships that judgement has no place in them at all.
So, what is it about judgment within the Church that makes us so ready to run for the hills? Maybe it is the fact that we all know that every member within the church has skeletons in their closet or it could be that frankly we are so judgmental of other members because we see some of the same traits that they display in ourselves. I tend to lead toward the jealousy angle but that is for a whole other post.
The fact still remains we has Christians seem to constantly be tearing each other apart. Causing other members to feel uncomfortable to be around other members at church which leads to them not volunteering to help in different areas and it also causes them to simply stop coming to church all the while labeling themselves and church as unworthy.
My husband works a lot on the weekends. It is not our ideal situation but well it happens and in this economy you work when your employer wants you to work. Anyway, while we were struggling to find a home church I would continue the search with just the kids and I. Most churches were super sweet and very open. Then there was that one church. My 4 kids and I walked into said church, sat into our seats and I began situating everyone making sure no one was sitting with someone who would get them into trouble. That is when I heard it…….”She has four kids and no husband”…..”Doesn’t she know what causes that?”….. Now it is safe to say that maybe they were not talking about me. It is also safe to say that well the fact that my husband was not in attendance with us could have raised more than one eyebrow. However, those two things caused me to no longer feel comfortable there in that church. My children and I actually packed up our things and went home before church services ever began. I will also state that we never went back to said church despite their reputation in our community.
You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment?
~ Romans 2:1-3
The way we as a Church treat members and visitors can make or cripple the Church as a whole. It is not our place to judge a person or a family harshly. It is our place, however, to extend a place for all to feel comfortable to worship the Lord in. This is what the purpose of the church is after all. It was and is meant to be a place to gain spiritual nourishment, a place to form bonds between fellow believers and a shelter from a world who tries to break us down.
The fear of being judged by our fellow peers causes us to clam up. We no longer want to share our testimony with members of the church, we no longer want to share what is happening in our lives and we begin to live our lives in secret. Starting to live in this mindset causes us to become a prisoner to the very things that our fellow Christians should be able to help to encourage us.
Now I am not saying that we should never help call attention to stumbling blocks in our fellow church members lives. However I am saying that there is a right and a wrong way to do so. Calling out one in a judgmental tone would be the wrong way. Expressing love and concern would be the right way. If you are unsure exactly how to do that I have actually written a post on that earlier in this series.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ~Galatians 6:1
There is no place for judgement in the Church. After all we are all sinners saved by grace. None of our sins are greater then another persons sin. Sin is in fact still sin. Instead of judging each other lets instead try to encourage each other.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,
This post is part of an ongoing series that will continue until God stops laying it on my heart. To view more posts of this series or to find the reasoning behind this series simply click the image below to see it unfold from the very beginning.
I have experienced similar comments and treatment at a church and had a similar reaction (not going back). The thought that occurs to me now though is - while it makes us uncomfortable and we are tempted to paint everyone with the same paint brush - this mentality allows us to slip into “victim” behaviour.
There are so many personality types at church (everywhere) for that matter but I think we may be more susceptible to feeling vulnerable in a place of worship. In situations like this, I’ve come to believe that a rebuke spoken with grace is appropriate. Something along the lines of “my husband is a * and therefore works long hard hours even on Sunday and with the economy being the way it is, he takes the work when it’s offered. For future reference, jumping to conclusions and then speaking those judgments aloud isn’t the best way to help a newcomer feel welcome at your church”
Her / his comments towards you are by far a reflection on her alone although I completely get why you felt disheartened.
Sometimes it’s just plain necessary to speak our truth and not allow the fiery darts to penetrate our well-being.
Been there, done that, even bought the shirt.
Be well & keep seeking.
Oh yes I completely agree that when we are visiting a church we do feel a bit vulnerable and somewhat as though all eyes are on you. I also agree in the way to handle said situation. Churches are in fact filled with different personalities and the fact remains that when we are attending our church or even walking around in everyday life we are ambassadors for our church, therefore, we always should be mindful of the things that we are saying and doing. I think this could carry into all areas of our lives. I think as a church we can be judgmental to visitors as well as those who are actual members. I think we are more than likely a bit more judgmental to those we see every Sunday, truthfully. The fact remains as a Christian whole until we decide to stop judging and start spreading the Word we are crippling the Church.
We shall wear our t-shirts together friend. Although I will say after a year or two of searching we did finally find a Church in which shared Biblical truths and fit all of our other spiritual needs as well. However, I will say it was a bit of a struggle. Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts!
Awe very happy to hear that you have found a place to call home it is indeed important to feel comfortable, welcomed and safe at your place or worship. Wounding in churches is painful and everyone who comes is at a different place in their journey on this path.
The best place to be is in a church where on going personal growth is emphasized. Jesus takes us where He finds us (thank God) 😉 but, He loves us too much to leave us the way He finds us. When the Holy Spirit begins His work, major renovations take place which are ongoing for life. May we all strive to be more like Jesus in our dealings with friends, family, colleagues, brothers and sisters in Christ and in conversations with complete strangers.
We as a group of Christian women ate reading and studying Karen Ehman’s book called “Keep it shut: What to say & how to say it and when to say nothing at all. A very good read with much wisdom.
Blessings to you and yours Sister