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Learning to listen to our husbands is hard. I mean if we were to be completely honest it may be one of the hardest parts about being married. Yet, learning to listen to our husbands is one of the most important things that we can truly do in our marriage.
Something I have observed from my children is that most of the conflicts they have spear from when one child doesn’t feel as though the other one is listening. Looking back on many conflicts that have poked their ugly heads in my marriage, the same principle can be applied.
We as people in general want to feel validated. We want to feel heard, we desire to feel that the things we communicate to another person are important to the other person. Our husbands are no different. They want us to listen fully when they are trying to communicate and they want to know that we are seeking some sort of understanding to what they are saying to us. They desire to feel important.
My husband and I view things so differently. I feel, see and react with my heart. My husband on the other hand feels, sees and reacts out of logic. Cold hard facts are what win him over and are what makes him tick. If we are not careful, our different ways of viewing and understanding things can really send us in an uproar. Our wires can get crossed extremely quick and then watch out world, there is mayhem in the Childress house.
Here Are Somethings That Have Helped Us:
- Make eye contact: It drives me nuts when I am talking to someone and they refuse to make eye contact. It is so easy to pretend you are listening while still having your head in the computer screen, watching television or even texting on a cell phone. Out of respect when my husband comes to me, wanting to talk I will stop what I am doing and look at him. This lets him know that he has my attention.
- Repeat back: My husband uses what I like to call college words. He uses such fancy words sometimes that I feel like I am sitting in a doctors office and I am being told I have some terminal illness when what the doctor is really saying is that I have an ear infection. So, I have learned to repeat back what I thought I heard. Now be careful that you don’t do it like you are talking to a child because that will so not go over well. Instead try something like “what your saying is….” or “is sounds like you had a bad day because (insert situation)”. Repeating back allows for clarification if need be while everyone is still on neutral ground.
- Think before you react: As I have said I think with my heart. Well, I also wear my heart on my sleeve. After my husband has addressed me with his concern my first reaction is offense. Thus, I have to stop after I repeat what he has said back and ponder what it is he has just said to me. You may even want to say a quick prayer if you are still at a loss. Thinking before we react is a time and feelings saver.
- Listen with an open mind: We are suppose to be there for our men during their many phases of life. If we listen to everything they say with a close minded attitude they will start to feel as though they can not talk to us…share with us…or dare I say dream with us. I don’t know a wife alive who wants that. Go into the conversation with an open mind, listen to his points and then react. After all we don’t know what God has laid on their hearts and God’s plan for them just may not add up to what we think it should be.
This week I challenge you to try these steps. See if they make a difference. Who knows you just may start to understand each other a little more.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,I would like to invite you to my Facebook group Christian Homemakers in Training where we dive into homemaking, motherhood, marriage and group devotions. After all, we all need a safe place to grow together, right?